Overcoming Shame and Guilt

Often the feelings of shame and guilt

are being created in us by outside forces

that judge, condemn, and deny or keep taboos.

When shaming and guilting are being used

as a weapon,

they can destroy a person’s

self-esteem and self-trust.

Society, religion, school and family systems

use shaming and guilting as methods

to control, deflect or deny

their own responsibilities and standards

not kept or values not met,

but then projected on individuals

who are made into scapegoats.

When shame and guilt feelings

are brought to the surface,

new life can grow.

When kept secrets and taboos are being revealed,

healing can begin.

When light is shone on injustices,

failures, cruelty and abuse by individuals and systems,

shame fades away like the morning fog

giving way to the sun rising.

No, it was not your fault.

Yes, they shamed and guilted you in order not to deal

with their own sin, their betrayal, their manipulation,

their collusion, their denial.

Yes, you will rise out of shame and guilt

like the Phoenix from the ashes.

You will discover your worth, your beauty,

your freedom, your self-esteem and self-trust!

Let the light come in.

and you will be restored to the wholeness

that has been there all along.

Breathe deeply

Breathe deeply

When we breathe deeply

and slowly at least ten times

(counting: for 4 in and for 6 out)

all the way into our abdomen:

we signal our “trauma brain”:

that we are ready to be calm,

that there is no danger,

that the fear, anger or rage

we might experience

are trauma triggers from our past.

We are in control

when we breathe like that.

We take back

the harm that trauma caused.

We are letting go of the toxins

from the past

and from the present.

When we breathe like that

we no longer have to react

in anxiety or anger,

we breathe deeply –

and then we respond.

We claim back the control

that our “trauma brain”

has taken from us.

We become “breath warriors” –

and we end the war.



P Pausing is the ability to step back.

Often, we get so reactive, so emotional, so wrapped up

with the things that happen on the surface of life,

that we fail to pause, be still and look more deeply.

A Allowing is the ability to let life flow through us,

without holding onto grudges, pain, regrets, injustices

for longer than needed. Acknowledging the past,

and then letting it go – means allowing.

We pause and allow.

U Understanding is the ability to see with new eyes –

eyes of compassion, eyes of forgiveness, eyes of possibilities,

eyes that see ways of new choices and new options.

We pause and understand.

S Seeing with new eyes means to become

an observer of ourselves. Witnessing our emotions and thoughts,

we no longer mistake ourselves to be our mind or our feelings.

We pause and see.

E Equanimity is the ability to pause, allow, understand and see

with new eyes. Radically accepting life while developing radical compassion.

Pausing means finding stability, balance, resilience

and a peace “beyond understanding”.

We pause and find equanimity.

Let’s build times of pausing

into every day of our life –

And our life will renew itself.


Sometimes we eat or inhale toxins

as part of our food or stimulants –

Some we intentionally digest or consume,

others we are surrounded by or unaware of.

Sometimes we watch toxins,

we take them in with our eyes.

Just watching the News or certain social media-

we take in images of violence or other toxic scenes.

Sometimes we live in a toxic relationship

or environment.

We are so used to constant tension and fighting,

bickering, neglect or abuse-

that we do not even notice those anymore.

But our children do. They start acting out,

or are getting sick.

And our bodies do, too. We lose immunity

and get sick as well. Our soul does, too.

It tells us with anxiety and depression

that something is deeply wrong.

And then one day –

we wake up.

And we leave those toxins behind.

That day is our new birthday.

Welcome to freedom!

Letting Go

We don’t want to let go of the future,

even when it is faked and an illusion.

We don’t want to let go of the past,

even when it was painful

and we are deadlocked.  .

We hold on,

as if our life depends on it.

And it does not.

Letting go of past pain and patterns,

letting go of promised but not real future,

frees us

to become fully present.

Your life is now.

Your happiness begins now.

Your freedom begins now.

Let go of the roles,

patterns, feelings

that tether you to a fake future

and a painful past.

Let go,

and you will be free.

Welcome to the present.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSPeDP0mihM Jack Kornfield: Letting go


Why forgive?

When there has been hurt inflicted

and injustice done?

Should not anger and rage

have the last word?

Does the other even deserve any forgiveness?

Maybe. And probably not.

But you deserve peace.

You deserve freedom from the past.

You deserve the lightness and release

that forgiveness brings.

As you transform

your relationship with the past

through forgiveness,

you actually arrive in the here and now.

Maybe for the first time fully in quite a while.

The practice of forgiveness

deepens your breath,

opens your heart,

calms your brain

and eases your pain.

You are free.

Free to be fully present.

The past has lost its power over you.

The door into the future has swung open.

Why wait?

Practice forgiveness,

and you will be free.

https://insig.ht/PdW1fDv4fpb Jack Kornfield Forgiveness Meditation


Regrets are like an emotional cancer-

they eat your joy and self-confidence.

They grow constantly by making you

focus on the past, and on the “what ifs”, “if I had only”

Guilt and shame are regret’s cancerous cells,

multiplying and growing every day

while stealing one’s inner peace.

Regretful thoughts about the past grow and grow,

until they take over the present.

They kill all freedom to think, feel and make new decisions.

Regrets are emotional shackles

that can only be released

with the practice of “letting go”

and with self-compassion and self-forgiveness.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSPeDP0mihM Jack Kornfield Letting Go

https://insig.ht/NYOHfEy4fpb Jack Kornfield Compassion for Self and All

https://insig.ht/PdW1fDv4fpb Jack Kornfield Forgiveness Meditation

When we begin

to see “Beauty”,

we start

observing and not judging,

exploring and not dissecting,

wondering and not diagnosing,

sensing and not analyzing,

inviting and not labeling.

Our relationship with the world changes,

and also with ourselves and others.

Instead of remaining detached,

we allow life to talk to us,

and flow around, even through us.

When we observe, explore, wonder,

sense and invite the world around us,

we lose our fear of being touched,

and touching life.

When we judge, dissect, diagnose,

analyze and label,

we keep life at a distance.

We feel afraid.

Nothing heals fear

as seeing Beauty does.

Inspired by the book:

The invisible Embrace

Beauty – rediscovering the true sources

of compassion, serenity and hope

By John O’Donohue


Listening to the birds sing

opens me to another way of being:

I hear their artful song,

while allowing to imagine them singing

directly for me.

I feel tenderness flow through my heart.

I listen –

I am still –

I stop thinking,

stop worrying.

The birds invite me

into another way of being:

No longer isolated,

no longer disconnected

or lost in my “thinking world”:

this trance,

this virtual reality

of my past and future obsessing.

Tenderness wells up in me.

I pause.

I listen.

I feel loved, sung to,

connected, interconnected –

with these small messengers of spring.

I smile, I whistle, I hum…

inspired and joyful I continue my day.

Nature and I –

interconnected, one…

When you leave…

When you leave

When you decide to leave:



families of origin,

or old familiar roles, patterns or places.

because those were

toxic, stifling, abusive or neglectful –

hold your fear and grief gently,

and walk anyway.

The universe will provide you

with new relationships,

with the ability to enjoy solitude,

with a family of choice,

with more satisfying roles,

with life-giving places and self-created patterns.

Hold your hope and faith gently,

And walk on.

When you leave




with no intention to hurt or harm –

the universe will open up

new opportunities,


and new beginnings.

Hold yourself gently

and compassionately

when walking.

All will be well.

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