Recovery Of A Marriage…

When you have children, your marriage is now more important, not less, because other people are counting on you – Sheila Gregoire

Meditation: In the recent months my husband of twenty years and I admitted that we had shamefully neglected our marriage. Everything else came first: our work, our children, the education on the side and the demands to keep a household going. We did not even notice that we had become estranged from each other. We are both first generation immigrants. This means we are aware that we stand and fall by ourselves as we have no family here in the US to back us up. And so both of us have a high work ethic. We rarely take time out to rest or celebrate. Our social life is close to zero. All our energy goes towards work and to our children. When we woke up to the reality that our marriage had not been nurtured enough, and that we were missing time for just the two of us, I decided on a radical recovery plan. Every other Sunday night (for the rest of the year!) I booked a nice hotel room for just the two of us. As my husband works on Saturdays, and I am working on Sundays, this is the only time we have. And so on Sunday afternoons we first spend some time with our girls. Then we pick up some tasty food and drive to the hotel. The clerks checking us in usually assume that we have travelled far. And sometimes those twenty minutes drive surely feel that way. After many years without an intentional date night, we have come a long way taking every other Sunday evening as our “date night” out. Often we are just too tired to go out and do something. All we both want and need is rest. And yet it feels healing to be together. It feels like “good old times”. Times before the kids came along, times before we worked too much, times before life was so filled up and stressful…

Prayer: God of recovery, thank you for these “holding spaces” of a Sunday night out. Thank you that we are finding times to recover from too much work and from not enough couple time. Thank you for waking us up to the reality that we were neglecting the most important relationship we have: our marriage. Thank you for inviting us to eat, drink and take time away from kids and from work. And we are grateful. Amen

Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do. Ecclesiastes 9:7